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That’s right–you just might be the next Ryan Idol. As a matter of fact, you probably already are, because gay men have been simulating the synthetic reality of gay jerk-off magazine models and porn-movie actors for quite some time. Whether it be through body image, fashion, or sexual activity, it’s clear that the eroticized fantasy world of porn has cleverly made itself at home among the real-life experiences of gay men. Think about your own life, and you’ll soon realize that gay men act amazingly similar to the oiled-down and muscle-bound love gods found in our favorite pleasure-media. If you are gay, rejoice, for you are well on your way to a rewarding life of sexual debauchery, vapid social exchange, and an endless supply of crispy-white Calvins.
So, let’s get you started on your road to hot action. First, strip down naked to your white socks. Stand in front of a full-length mirror. Look at your reflection. If you have hair anywhere other than your head or armpits, then we have some work to do. In keeping with the pre-pubescent “boy-next-door” image so popular in gay porn, your body must be clean and smooth, which translates into removal of all unsightly body hair. Oh, and speaking of physique, you probably noticed that your body could use a little work.
