Nancy’s Magazine
Tofu
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Almost half of all respondents claimed that, when it comes to their feelings about tofu, friends and roommates are the ones who made their mark. “My old roommate Pat cooked it up with lots of garlic. Although I do not eat tofu today, I do eat lots of garlic,” said one. Who knows how many other things tofu has led people to? Inexplicably, a whopping 43.3 percent professed that their tofu feelings were favorable. Forebodingly, 23.3 percent state that they are outright leery of tofu. And a nearly matching 27.8 percent say they have had their tofu feelings marked by none other than tofu itself. “I owe my feelings about tofu to the way it floats in its own quagmire,” stated one. Family members come in a solid third, influentially. “My hippie brother calls it toad food and adores the stuff. Or does he adore hummus? I always get them mixed up.” Another confesses, “I always thought tofu was a species of Spam.”
The poll revealed electric can openers to be an intensely inert entity. An entire third of all respondents said that they had a gaping absence of feelings about the item and another 16.7 percent claimed to have formed electric can opener feelings wholly independent of anyone or anything. The listlessness continues: a full 42 percent are simply disinterested or ignorant of electric can openers; favorableness simpered at 9.7 percent, as did vigorous enthusiasm. Fifty percent of those who were marked by someone or something, were marked by the family. “My grandmother not only refused to use an electric can opener, but she would use the teeniest manual opener she had,” complained one.
