Many people have tried to convince me chocolate is toxic to dogs. I even heard a news report warning people to keep dogs out of the Halloween candy for that reason. However, my four dogs have stolen chocolate cakes, pies, and candy bars without ill effects. What gives? –Jason Eshleman, Berkeley, California
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You and the mutts got lucky. Chocolate is one of the most common causes of poisoning in dogs, according to the National Animal Poison Control Center at the University of Illinois’ College of Veterinary Medicine. Dogs can’t metabolize the caffeine and theobromine in chocolate and may get hyperactive or start to vomit if they eat more than two ounces of milk chocolate per kilo of body weight. (Presumably your dogs had less.) Higher doses can cause irregular heartbeat, respiratory failure, and death. While you’re getting used to that idea, consider this: the most common cause of canine poisoning (after rat and mouse poison) is human medication, notably ibuprofen, the well-known pain reliever. Dogs apparently love the smell and taste, so they chew through the bottles, eat the contents, vomit their guts out, and die. OD’ing on chocolate and Advil might seem nutty to us, but it’s pretty serious to the dogs.
They, uh, lubricate. I know, doesn’t seem like a very direct approach to the problem. That’s the way science is. From the point of view of drama what you want is New and Improved Cling Free with Antimatter, in which the static electricity particles are annihilated by the antistatic antielectricity antiparticles, leaving only a hint of April freshness. In your dreams, pal. What really happens–and imagine devoting the best years of your life to figuring this out–is that static electricity is created when stuff rubs together. As much as 12,000 volts’ worth, in fact. If only we could harness this resource. I’ll get on it as soon as I perfect the wintergreen Life Savers reading lamp.
Would one be physically better off, proportionally, with big feet or little feet? –Bigfoot II
Art accompanying story in printed newspaper (not available in this archive): illustration/Slug Signorino.
