Since you seem to know everything, just what is “tantric sex,” anyway? –Tina S., Montreal
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There are many ways to accomplish this, of course. I can do it thinking about the Chicago Cubs. But your classic adherent of tantric yoga, or nowadays your reader of supermarket magazines, may do it by practicing the “Set of Nines.” Supposedly the man enters his partner with nine shallow thrusts, then after a pause eight shallow and one deep thrust, then seven shallow and two deep, and so on until nirvana or total boredom is achieved. Some advise dragging this out for 30 minutes or 1,000 strokes, whichever comes first . . . goodness, one has to watch one’s language when writing these columns, doesn’t one? At any rate, while counting strokes during sex is absurd, it is also true that the typical American male has the sexual sophistication of a German shepherd and any technique that will get the big lunk to slow down is probably worth trying. Just spare me the Kama Sutra breathing exercises and any discussion involving the word “transcend.”
KEEP ON MERKIN
“On first use your merkin may be stiff and difficult to attach properly. Do not be embarrassed to ask for assistance. For best results we recommend that four persons be recruited for this purpose–one to grasp either leg, one to apply the merkin, and one to act as lookout.
Art accompanying story in printed newspaper (not available in this archive): illustration/Slug Signorino.
