I drink Mountain Dew and people are always acting like I’m getting an intravenous injection of caffeine each time I drink a can. Does Mountain Dew really contain that much caffeine? For a frame of reference, how much caffeine is contained in a normal cup of coffee? –Dave Jones, Madison, Wisconsin
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I don’t care if you’re tired of this. I’m writing this column, and I find this topic a source of never-ending fascination. Just the other day I was thinking to myself, you know, there is the stuff of tragedy in this smiley face thing. As usual, I was right. Word comes that the city of Seattle has been rocked (well, jiggled) by a smiley face scandal.
Now we learn that the citizens of Seattle, figuring that the inventor of the symbol for brain-dead optimism was the ideal candidate to lead them into the brave new world of the 90s, voted for Stern in sufficient numbers to make him one of the two contenders in that city’s upcoming mayoral runoff. But the sordid truth was not long in coming out. This column’s column revealing the smiley’s actual origins circulated in samizdat in the Pacific Northwest, eventually coming to the attention of reporter Bruce Barcott of the Seattle Weekly. Seeing a Pulitzer in it, Barcott jumped on the story with both feet. In a searing expose, he revealed to shocked Seattleites not only that
