Let no one deny that the Straight Dope exerts a mighty influence on society–even Japanese society. Years ago, to illustrate a column on male lactation, the incandescently gifted Slug Signorino drew a shirtless, macho man mountain wearing a kind of harness/brassiere with baby bottles in place of the bra cups. (See page 322 of More of the Straight Dope.) In accordance with Calvin Trillin’s observation that nowadays it’s difficult to invent a comic premise so outlandish that it won’t sooner or later be overtaken by reality–Trillin called this “being blindsided by the truth”–I submit to you the enclosed book, 101 Unuseless Japanese Inventions, by Kenji Kawakami. Turn to page 137 and you’ll find a photograph of a dignified Japanese gentleman in a business suit, slaking the thirst of the infant in his arms by means of a “Daddy Nurser,” a device consisting of a pair of breast-shaped milk containers complete with nipples on a pink-ribbon harness. It enables “father to experience the joy of nourishing his baby from his own body–almost.” An appropriate caption might be “reality suckles,” but I defer to you for trenchant exegesis and astringent commentary. –David English, Somerville, Massachusetts
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Training High Heels. (Pairs of tiny wheels bolted to either side of your spike heels.) Lets novice high-heel wearers “walk without fear of tipping over.”
PDA (Public Display of Affection) Confidence Developer. (A spare arm to be attached next to the real arm of your beloved.) “You can hold onto this simulated appendage in the early stages of courting, without the worry of sweaty palms, inappropriate pressure, or when to disengage.” Words don’t do it justice. See the book, available for $10.95 U.S. ($13.99 Canadian) from W.W. Norton.
