Hey, Faggot:

Hey, FL:

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While some fat women are happy being heavy, many, many more are not. Being approached by a guy who’s into you for being fat, a guy attracted to the very thing you’ve been made to feel unattractive about, can be very traumatic. Fat people suffer for being fat–they’re ridiculed and made to feel grotesque and unlovable. Then you come along, FL, panting after some woman’s flab, and she has to confront what are probably some extremely painful body-image issues–because this weirdo fat-fetishist is lusting after her. Can you understand how that would make an insecure fat chick uncomfortable? Gun-shy? Distrustful?

But now she is dating someone else, and she doesn’t hardly ever call me or see me anymore. Once upon a time, I was all good on the side, but now she doesn’t want to be bothered. She says she still loves me, and misses being with me, but she never follows through when I try to make time to spend with her. I’m just an emotional wreck. I love her with all my heart, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for her. Please give me some good advice. I’m hurting.

I have been seeing a guy for two months. We both work in the same company, but different departments–it’s totally safe. His situation: He’s separated, divorce papers are in process, it might be ugly. He works a billion hours a week and has to move in December. All of this is creating a bit of stress on his part, I’m sure. I am over at his place a minimum of three nights a week, hang out with his friends; we have a wonderful time together, have amazing sex together, but he doesn’t consider me his girlfriend since, as he put it, “it’s too heavy a label” for him right now. I know it’s only been a couple of months, but I’ve fallen for him, and even though I don’t want to rush things, I feel the title of “girlfriend” is not a heavy label, and at this point is an earned one. Is this a lack of commitment on his part–even though it was his idea to have a monogamous relationship–or am I just being weird and old-fashioned?

Send questions to Savage Love, Chicago Reader, 11 E. Illinois, Chicago 60611.