Hey, Faggot:

I don’t want to seek professional help, mainly because I can’t afford it. Also, I met her boyfriend (new one) and I’m stunned that after going out with a guy like me she’s now dating a rather ho-hum gent with no fashion sense and bad hair. Not that I’m jealous–yeah, sure! What should I do? Not do? Help!

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But while this relationship may have been “going very well” as far as you were concerned, good ol’ Lucy obviously didn’t feel the same way–otherwise she wouldn’t have dumped your well-groomed, well-dressed ass, would she? So something was wrong. Maybe she thought you were a jerk, maybe she thought you were a lousy lay, maybe she wants kids and you don’t, maybe you smell bad, maybe she loathes your politics, maybe she honestly prefers ill-dressed men with bad hair to well-turned-out Fabios such as yourself. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

My former lover used to say that he wouldn’t eat a pussy he just came in. Last night, my current lover of six months ejaculated inside my yoni before I orgasmed, and I asked him to go down on me. He refused, saying it didn’t appeal to him.

Last week, the lovely ladies here at Savage Labs had a chance to speak their minds about their own orgasms in this space. Well, in the interests of fair play and equal time, I’m turning your question over to Savage Lab’s straight boys. Overall, the boys freely admitted to having done the deed, though none seemed particularly enthusiastic about it. Here’s what they had to say:

Finally, you might have better luck getting the boyfriends to eat you out if you refrained from insipid, silly words like “yoni,” and if you stopped with the sanctuary/cupid’s cave/lotus-of-her-wisdom nonsense. That kinda “sacred sex” talk is enough to put any man off his lunch, let alone a “sacred vessel” overflowing with his own spunk. Eesh.