Hey, Faggot:
On your behalf, I spoke at length with two professional electrologists–one in San Francisco, one in New York. Unfortunately, after these conversations I didn’t understand the process any better than I did before I picked up the phone. So I called the person I probably should have called in the first place for the jargon-free dope–my transsexual pal Judith.
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Judith has undergone 36 hours of electrolysis, all on her face. Does it hurt? “Yes, it hurts like hell–unless you have the area being worked on deadened with an injected anesthetic like lidocaine. Some people take a kind of heavy-duty aspirin, others try topical creams. But the people I know that have done the pills and creams say it’s still very painful. Go to a place where they can give you an injection, just like at the dentist. You won’t feel 95 percent of the zaps.”
The electrologist I spoke with in San Francisco–who did not want her name to appear in my column–doesn’t do weenies either. “I don’t know who’s calling me for an appointment, you know? It could be some weirdo,” SF explained. But what if someone really needs work done on his weenie? “Go see an electrologist for something else, your back or something. Maybe the electrologist will feel comfortable enough with you after a while that she will consider doing your genitals.” Would she do a regular client’s weenie? “If it was an existing client, someone I felt comfortable with and trusted, yes, I would consider it.”
As for the course of action you’ve taken up until now, SF says “shaving, tweezing, and waxing are the worst things to do. The ripping causes blood to rush to the papilla, nourishing the roots, causing you to grow more, and tougher, hair.” Which would explain why, after a couple of years of shaving the hair off your weenie, there seems to be “more of it every week.” Hair, not weenie.
Send questions to Savage Love, Chicago Reader, 11 E. Illinois, Chicago 60611.
