CHANT
“Jimmy Buffett!” comes a vicious scream from the EMI president’s office. “We’ve been passed by Jimmy Buffett! That’s the final insult! Janet!” he yells to his secretary. “Get everybody together! I will not be passed by some calypso camp act from Key West. Jesus Christ, I have monks, real monks!”
Radio VP: It’s for people who listen to NPR, eat Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, say things like “infrastructure.”
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President: No wonder the album is dying! We’ll be up to our asses in debt if we continue to target those tree huggers. Get me real record buyers! Get me the 12- to 24-year-old demo glued to MTV all day long. We need a hit video. I want our monks in heavy rotation between Snoop Doggy Dogg and Ace of Base.
President: I did? Well, tell her to shut up. Now listen, get me the biggest video director in the business. The guy who did all those Duran Duran videos.
Video VP: In fact, he made a whole movie starring Jeff Goldblum, Geena Davis, and Julie Brown called–
Press VP: Great idea! Kind of a cross between The Name of the Rose and Gidget! The gossip columnists will lap it up like thirsty poodles.
